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April 15, 2007

- Reminiscing -

Sucks. I can't breathe through my nose. I can't smell which will make food taste tasteless. Grrr.

Ah well, at least it was kinda fun yesterday I guess. My feet aches.

Singapore sucks~~~~

Is there anything that I haven't do? That does not involve sport or extreme sport?

Cause I'm retarded with sports.

And don't say fishing. My dad fishes for our daily seafood. Yea, we don't buy fish. We CATCH them. Yeah we have our own uh.. boat? Sampan? Small boat? Whatever.

So I know what is a fresh fish when I eat one okay?

But I hate fish. So whatever. I can live without fish.

And I hate the sea. The insects, the mosquitoes, THE SMELL, the dampness. Everything about it. I'm not talking about the beach. I'm talking about the SEA. The smelly sea. The one where you catch the fishes. Not the one where you suntan on.

And I've been doing a lot of reminiscing/thinking lately. Thinking about my past, my present and my future.

I used to LOVE being on stage. Love performing. Love to dance. Love to sing. Heh. Yeah those were the times when you didn't know the meaning of ego or being ashamed. I was starting to sing before I knew how to talk properly. Of course I only mumbled the rhythms and made up my own words. Heck, my mom recorded me singing when I was like.... what 1+ year old? Or something. I got the cassette. But no cassette player. LOL.

I performed on my first stage at Teck Whye Community Center when I was in kindergarten. LOL. I'm sure Yani knows this. We're in the same act. XD

In primary school, I was in the Malay dance troupe. So yeah, I have performed on stage a lot of times. It used to be frightening at first. Seeing so many people staring at back at you, watching your every move. Heh, but after a while, the stage began to feel like my second home. I used to hang out on it with the drama club people after school. Of course not to mention the weekly training we had.

But when you hit your teenage years, your friends start to play a little more major role in your life. You begin to feel self-conscious about yourself. I began to stray away from the stage life. Turning my back on it. Cause I thought that was uncool.

I began to slacken. I chose the most slacking extra curricular activities - librarian. I was enjoying the air conditioned environment and stealing naps when the teacher on duty wasn't around. I skipped duties when the head librarian wasn't around. Hell yeah, I'm a rebel. LOL.

Nah, it's just that. I used to not care back then. I didn't care about anything then. All was just 'heck-care' as we used to say it.

Sigh. I would have been in an art school, drawing. Playing with clay and charcoal right now if I chose my interest. Or maybe act in a couple of scenes.

But noooo... I just have to go to Ngee Ann Poly. Why? Because it's closer. And why did I chose Chem Eng? I don't know..... I really don't know...

I failed maths. I HATE maths. I was never good with money or numbers.

But I bucked-up during my GCE 'O' levels. And got a VERY good score for my L1R4. Good enough for Chem Eng. They didn't need to consider me. They loved my score. -_- Gawd. I wished they HAD considered about it. Then I would be chucked in Interior Designing in SP by now.

Sigh. I wish I hadn't did what I did before. Whatever it was. I wish I hadn't did it. Now. I'm regretful. I am living in nothing but a white lie. I know this person is not who I really am inside. I hate everything that I am right now.

Can I turn back time? I hope it's not too late.

Sigh.

"A piece of paper can do everything nowadays..."
-Quarter Past Chaos ('Life' Is Just One Letter Away From 'Lie')

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